My Journey into Motherhood…

My journey into motherhood was not the most conventional one. Just months before I fell pregnant. I was single and living in a share house with friends. My life was full of travel and I was devoted only to studying and teaching yoga. I hadn’t thought too much about having babies. I would aways answer “Maybe someday” if ever asked the question.

Then I met Michael. We fell in love. There were firework and heart flutters. I also felt a deep sense of “knowing” that we had a special connection. Although we certainly didn’t plan to have a baby just a few short months into our relationship, the universe (and a very determined little soul) had other ideas. Even though my pregnancy was unplanned, I felt surprisingly calm about embarking on this journey into motherhood and Michael was equally excited and supportive.

I had an open minded, holistic GP who encouraged me to explore different models of care to find the right fit. For me, that was the Midwife Group Practice run by the Mater Mother’s hospital in Brisbane (where I was living at the time). I signed up for the program and met my midwife 12 weeks into my pregnancy. Her name was Mel.

I didn’t have a birth plan as such, just some ideas of how I would like things to flow if possible. Michael and I attended an Active Birth Workshop during the last months of our pregnancy and I was hoping to be able birth actively. Being a student and teacher of yoga, it made perfect sense to gently flow with the surges and work with gravity to birth my baby.

I was 12 days past 40 weeks and had several days of “pre labour” that didn’t eventuate into anything. I went to bed at 10pm on a Tuesday evening, I awoke from a dream at exactly 2am. I dreamt I was in Labour. Moments later my belly tightened! I felt the same as the sensation that I experienced in my dream. I didn’t wake Michael straight away. I intuitively knew that I was in Labour but it felt so surreal that I wanted to be alone with this secret for just a little while. I also figured he could do with the rest.

I ran a bath, lit a candle and immersed myself in the water. The surges felt like strong period cramps and they were getting more intense. I didn’t time my contractions. I was consciously welcoming every surge with positive affirmation. I loved this stage of the birth.

I woke Michael at around 3am and shared the news. He sprung into action, making me tea and toast. He rang my midwife Mel and we all agreed that I would labour at home for as long as I could. I felt comfortable at home and didn’t want to leave just yet. As things intensified I found myself performing some movements and rituals to manage the strong sensations. I bounced on the birth ball in between surges and then just moments before the surge would peak, I would jump up and lean on the table, making deep low groans as I swayed my hips. My breathing was nothing like I had ever experienced in my yoga studies. It was wild and expansive.

At 6am it felt like time to go to the hospital. Michael rang Mel again and she said she would meet us there soon. We lived just minutes from the hospital but the transition from home to hospital was VERY intense.

We made our way into the reception at the Mater Mothers Hospital. I had two surges while signing my consent forms. Obviously a spectacle the reception staff had seen many times before. They weren’t phased at all by my animalistic sounds. They did however send me straight to the birth suite bypassing the examination room. I think they had a fair idea I was in established Labour.

The room felt quite stark to begin with. The lights were bright and it seemed a little chilly. I was a bit put off and my surges seemed to slow. Michael set about creating a sacred cave for us. He asked the nurses to dim the lights, he put on the birth play list and filled the bath. It was my hope that I would birth my baby in the water..

Mel arrived not long after. She examined me and I was around 7cm’s dilated. I felt some relief when she told me because at this point I was feeling fatigued and some self doubt was creeping in. The surges had certainly intensified. The enjoyment that I felt in the beginning faded, and now I was working really hard to breath through. I refrained from talking much at all. I don’t know how to describe my mental state at this stage except to say that I was in a very primal state. My mind wasn’t filled with the usual chatter. My focus was sharp.

I got into the bath. Michael set up a stool behind me and held my hands. I had been quite active during my labour so far but I was getting tired now. My legs were shaking and I needed to be more restful and still. I was immersed in the warm bath and reclined back keeping my hips low. I loved how soothing it was. Water has always been my gateway to peace and this time was no exception. The relief of the water renewed my energy and I felt my strength and confidence growing again.

I think the thing that surprised me the most was how much I felt. The women I had spoken to about birth had described the intensity accurately but I didn’t realise how much of the baby’s journey down the Birth Canal I would feel. I distinctly felt my pelvis move and my cervix widen. It was bizarre and wild and I was pretty impressed with this humble body of mine.

An hour or so in the bath and I started to feel a deeper urge. Mel popped down next to me and put a mirror into the water. I was fully dilated. It was go time!

I followed the guidance of my midwife and my body in fairly equal proportion. I was overwhelmed at times but I still felt strong. I had a beautiful, spiritual experience in this transition phase, where I felt a tribe of women around me. I could see them in my mind, not faces I could recognised but they were familiar, they were my soul sisters. I felt like a gateway between earth and sky and it was like nothing I had experienced before. The intensity peaked and I begged my midwife “how much longer”? With total confidence she told me we were about to have a baby!

I felt my body take it’s final stretch, a feeling more intense that I could ever had anticipated. I remember seeing the thick black hair of my baby swirling around in the water. His head came out with unexpected force. The next push was almost effortless compared to the one before. I caught my baby from between my legs. It was a beautiful baby boy. I took him up to my naked chest. I was exhausted and elated staring down at his perfect face. After just a few minutes I felt another surge and then on the next surge, I birthed the placenta. I felt a deep sense of release.

With the support of Michael we transferred from the birth pool over to the bed. We got comfy and snuggled skin to skin under the warm blankets. Michael took his shirt off too and joined the cuddles.

I spent just 4 hours in the birth suite after birth and then we bundled up our little baby boy and took him home to eagerly awaiting grand folk and one very curious puppy!

Just 19 months later we were blessed with another beautiful baby boy. He was birthed peacefully into the water also at The Mater Mothers Hospital after just 5 hours of Active Birthing.

This journey into motherhood, pregnancy, birth and beyond, is without a doubt the wildest ride I’ve ever been on!